Couples Therapy Doesn’t Need to be TABOO

We’ve all been there. Those recurring arguments that never seem to get resolved. Feelings that remain unvalidated by a friend or partner, emotional or traumatic triggers that seem to light up… the list goes on.

Let’s get this first notion out of the way: if you and your partner have arguments or fights, you are not doomed. At least not necessarily. In fact, you’re incredibly normal, healthy, functioning adults who have individual lives shaped by individual, nuanced experiences. Oftentimes, arguments are simply sparked by exercising our rights as individuals to think for ourselves, feel for ourselves, and react, for ourselves.

So often couples think that if they embark on couples therapy, it is the beginning of the end. They feel that if they can’t resolve certain issues themselves, that the relationship is hardly salvageable. People become embarrassed by the idea of seeking help, and try to keep something like couples therapy a forbidden secret from their family and friends. This is vastly unfortunate.

Couples therapy did not originate as a last resort. It is meant to strengthen and repair not just the couple as a single unit, but the individuals within the couple on their own terms. Couples therapy is so functional because it gives access to a brand new resource unavailable to a couple on any other terms— an unbiased third party opinion.

The unbiased third party opinion is so crucial because not only is this individual (the therapist) equipped to handle, process, and understand intense emotional baggage, but he or she also has no previously formed opinion of each member of the couple from knowing them personally. He or she has no ties to them, and holds the power to listen unconditionally, making professional assessments.

This is critical. Whether you feel your relationship issues are big or small, having that unbiased opinion from a professional third party can help to illuminate the roots of the problems. Sometimes they have nothing to do with the couple itself, and everything to do with one of the members of said couple.

And it’s not just traditional therapy. Energy healers, breathwork experts, yoga and fascia instructors, and many other therapeutic healers can shed light on dark corners that otherwise would have never been explored. It’s important to also remain unbiased ourselves in therapy of any kind for this very reason. We have to leave the cynic, the defender, and the attacker at home and come open, vulnerable, and accepting of change. Couples therapy may be beneficial for the couple, but it’s also an opportunity for gorgeous personal growth.