WHEN YOU BREAKUP, Where Does The Love Go?

Heartbreak is tricky. Some claim that we can physically, literally, die from it. Others say it’s not some incurable disease, and is really more fluid than we think, if we allow ourselves the proper time to process it.

Here at Âmé, we tend to think of most things in the emotional realm to be dictated by energy, including love, and thus, including heartbreak. So when things end abruptly, where does the love go? Does it just fall to the ground like a bird shot out of the sky, lifeless and benign? Dead forever? We don’t think so.

Love is an enigmatic, driving force in the world, whether we believe it or not. Love of money, self, life, happiness, material, animal, or human things dictates everything we do. When it comes to romantic love, this is really no different. It’s a choice, even when we feel it isn’t. When we feel we are hopelessly, endlessly in love, we are really choosing an ideal of another person, choosing to accept them for all that they are, and choosing to take on their lightness, darkness, and everything in between, which is an enormous amount of energy.

So, when the rug is pulled out from under a relationship, where does that energy go? The answer may be less exciting than we’d all hoped—it can go anywhere. Sometimes, a relationship end is a slow one. It’s a lengthy death, studded by arguments, a growing distance, less frequent sex or displays of affection. We know it’s coming, and we take our time processing it before letting it go, because we have the time to do so.

Other times, a breakup can come abruptly. It can be the result of an exposed affair, or the eruption of private feelings one partner has been harboring in secret, completely unbeknownst to the other committed party. When this happens, things are much more difficult to process quickly and efficiently. People often feel that their lives are “over,” and in a way, they are not wrong. Life as they had previously known it mere moments ago, is over. But it doesn’t mean an even more beautiful life isn’t on the horizon. It’s about accepting the unknown.

So where does all of that energetic love go when the relationship ends in a slow burn, or comes to a screeching halt at the edge of the ninety degree cliff drop? It goes where we put it. We can channel it into a deep self-loathing. We can develop unhealthy drinking habits or drug abuse, gain weight and hide out in our darkening apartments, deciding that there is nothing else worth seeking in the world.

Or, we can channel it into self love. Clean up our diets, try a new workout. Maybe we use that excess energy by throwing ourselves into work, creating a new idea of success for ourselves, or even make more money. The bottom line is that love is energy. Love itself differs… the love we have for a pet for example, is different than the love we have for a romantic life partner. However, when the pet passes or the partnership ends, we are left with an excess of that powerful, selfless energy. It’s up to us where we use it, so choose wisely.