Love in Lockdown

This year has posed many, many challenges for everyone across the globe. It’s the one unifying thing that we are all suffering through—some worse than others—but no one is alone in this, nonetheless. Small businesses are sinking, ways of life are being altered in a big way, and our social lives have dwindled to a delicate balance of responsibility and respecting boundaries. One thing is certainly universal—relationships have just encountered a whole new level of complex.

It’s pretty difficult to keep things spicy in a romantic relationship when two people generally only have each other, day in, and day out. Especially when we typically take time apart for work, working out, and even some of our usual recreational activities, yet now we do them all at home, on top of each other. And in sweatpants for the most part. Might be time to mix that up.

So how do we stoke the fire when we have no idea how much longer this could go on for? It’s important to be aware that the extra time together isn’t always a bad thing, but that it doesn’t mean we love each other any less if we take some time apart in our efforts to hold onto the previous, normal way of living and dating. Here are a few pointers.

Remember that taking space is healthy

Just because you have each other (and how sweet and wonderful that is, truly) doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Take a walk alone. Take a drive by yourself. Start a new hobby or craft, and don’t expect your partner to want to partake in it. Go on a hike, a trip to the beach, or even a staycation, alone. It’s important to give each other space to miss one another a little bit. Independence is sexy. Codependence is stressful.

Stay affectionate

It may seem like the last thing on our minds sometimes, but do it anyway. Touch is electric, literally. We share energy and currents and boost happiness hormones dopamine and serotonin from kisses and hugs, so give your partner some love in the morning, and dole out some affection in passing. Squeeze a shoulder, caress an arm, rest your hand on their thigh. It’s these small gestures that speak volumes, reminding each other of the special intimacy and love that you share independent of the comfort zone you may be currently feeling trapped in.

Rely on friends and family

Again, it’s incredible that you both have one another for these difficult times, but no one should be anyone’s everything. That’s a lot of pressure for one individual, and a huge responsibility and burden to carry. Not to mention, it’s not very sexy. In fact, it’s pretty difficult to hold the role of best friend, parent, confidant, cook, cheerleader, repair man/woman, and intimate lover in life, let alone in one day, everyday. Give your person a rest, and call a friend to vent. Call your mom. Touch base with grandma. Trust that your close circle needs to let off some steam away from their partners, too.

Put on an outfit

Sure, your partner loves you au naturale. They have said that from day one. They think you’re cute with your bedhead and sweatpants on. But, that’s because they got the intimate opportunity to see you in that vulnerable, outside of your polished, presentable exterior. It doesn’t mean that we’ve now reached the level of comfort that they no longer wish to see us dressed up. So put on your good butt jeans, even if for no reason. Throw on some makeup sometimes. It shows your partner that you still want to try for them, and keeps them on their toes about how you may face each day. A little mystery is a good thing.

Plan dates and surprises

Just because you already have dinner together every night doesn’t mean that you can’t still plan a special night. Dress up and get ready, plan a romantic picnic, or straight up just surprise each other. Make them a special treat. Work on something in private that you can reveal to them later. Redecorate a room, or make them a playlist. Surprises are romantic, and reminds the other person that you’re thinking about them, and that you think they’re special. Feeling special is the lifeblood of romance, so make sure to give and you shall also receive.

Intimacy is not necessarily something we can force, schedule, or plan. But giving these practices a shot helps build the intimacy, so that sexy moments can happen organically. Plus, the more you engage in sexual intimacy, the more you’ll want it. So don’t let the well run dry, always be replenishing.