HOW TO, Recognize Emotions,Accept Them, Then Let Them Go

Hiding from negative feelings and thoughts might seem like a quick fix in the interim because it is. But bottling up your emotions can come at great peril to your future psyche and more. We want to shout it from the rooftops—it’s ok to not be ok! Don’t let yourself harbor your emotions by avoiding them, because intense pressure will inevitably build, and can result in depression, anxiety, or disease rather than a diamond.

Consider avoiding negative emotions as a vice. It’s natural to want to reach for vices in times of need, but when we do it repeatedly, it becomes an addiction that we abuse, like alcohol. Don’t abuse your power of avoidance, because the long term effects can be devastating. You don’t want to suppress the symptoms of being a living, feeling, emotional being without addressing the roots of your issues. Instead, embrace your emotions, recognize them, and work on healing.

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."

Embracing your emotions comes with a price as well, but only temporarily, and the effects are profound. When you recognize an emotion, let it sink in, and process it, albeit sometimes painfully. It’s like you metabolize the emotion, digest it, and allow it to pass. You pay the toll of experience and move on instead of harboring the feeling, letting it ferment and grow into something you have less and less control of as time goes on, like a snowballing emotional debt accruing interest in the form of trauma.

The act of avoidance has a cumulative effect on the mind and in the body. This can manifest itself in many ways, and not just mentally. There are numerous studies that showcase the direct correlation between the mind and body, depicting that many diseases, physical and mental, are results of unprocessed and harbored emotions and tension. Henry Maudsley, maybe the leading psychiatrist of the late 1800s once said, “The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.”

Muscle tightness and inflammation is another common result of repressed emotions. We tend to foster a backlog of unprocessed emotions as our schedules stack up, leaving us with less time and mental clarity to process all of our feelings as they enter our body. This can appear later in back pain, leg cramping, or tight hips. There have been many cases that when the muscle tension was forcibly relaxed through physical therapy, yoga, or meditation, the release of the muscle also spurs an emotional reaction, like tears. This is no coincidence.

There are a few ways to take the first step, which is recognizing these feelings and accepting them. A great way to begin is to write them down. Journaling is a personal practice and doesn’t have to require a lot of time or long-winded entries of well-written literature. Think of it as a form of mental detox—by organizing the mind’s clutter, we cleanse our thoughts to make fresh space for something new. Journalling can be as simple as making a numbered or bulleted list.

Write down a list of adjectives that describe how you feel. Write another list of your interpretations of why you feel that way. Allow yourself to have these natural reactions. Feel them fully. Once you let yourself exist in the moment with the emotion, you’ve already begun the healing work.

Meditation and breathing are more tools that allow yourself respite in your day to feel. Often we consider meditation a way to avoid thinking, remove all thoughts, and be perfectly still. While it is an opportunity to find stillness in our otherwise hectic lives, it’s not about repressing our feelings. It’s about journeying deep into our own selves and becoming fully aware of everything we are experiencing. Here is where we truly recognize emotions for what they are, see them as a symptom, and access the root cause.

Meditation is a skill that takes practice, but as you work towards that goal, a simple breathing practice can bring you to that restful state of clarity. Try 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold the in breath for 7 counts, and exhale for 8, all from the belly. This trains you to take in less, sit with it for longer, and release for even more time from the calming diaphram for a nourishing effect. Try it anytime, any place.

Movement also comes in handy when tuning into your body. Sometimes emotional breakthroughs are experienced in activity like exercise, or a deep yoga practice. Becoming more and more in tune with our bodies allows us to uncover feelings we repressed years ago and tucked away in our muscles, meridians, and even organs. Move to sweat, feel, and cry. Shower, rinse, repeat.