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Relationships

HOW EMOTIONAL ATTUNEMENT Can Bring Back Intimacy in Long Term Relationships

How Emotional Attunement Can Bring Back Intimacy in Long Term Relationships
@antonovakseniya

It’s easy to feel that love just isn’t forever. Passion fades, excitement dwindles. Even patience wanes, and attraction ebbs and flows. The more we get to know our partners, the more we love them, in a way. But the more we know them, sometimes the more predictable they become. It’s not difficult to get trapped in routine and feel monotonous from time to time.

Intimacy is an ongoing project. At first, it comes naturally, lustfully, and even when we don’t desire it. Then, it requires emotional attachment. Next, it requires emotional investment, and finally, maintenance. Once we become invested in a relationship, we may leave so much up to the other person, but that’s entirely unfair. The golden rule very much apples in romance, so don’t forget to treat your lover how you want to be treated.

This is where emotional attunement comes into play. What this is, is a deep, kinesthetic understanding of another person. It’s being aware of their rhythms, their patterns, the way they respond and react to situations and to stimuli. It goes beyond empathy— it’s a profound sense of connectedness, and it results in breeding unshakeable intimacy that applies in multiple ways.

When we can emotionally attune to our partner, not only does it deepen the connection, but it broadens our sense of empathy and can greatly reduce arguments and upset. When we understand how our partner tends to respond to situations and why, we don’t feed the fire by reacting in our own personal way, to their reaction. We see how and why they become upset, and we are either able to avoid upsetting them all together, or make them feel seen, heard, and understood, quelling the upset.

When we emotionally attune to our partners, it deepens our sexual intimacy as well. We see what makes them tick, and this deep connection manifests itself physically. It’s human nature to feel more relaxed and comfortable when we feel understood. When both partners offer each other emotional attunement, the sense of unparalleled relaxation breeds uninhibited sexuality.

So how can we work on emotional attunement? There are a few exercises we can do that over time, will build emotional attunement both physically, and mentally. We’ve broken down a few easy things that you can start on right away.

Cuddle more

That may sound obvious, basic, and even boring, but it’s so often overlooked. We may go days, or even weeks without cuddling without even noticing. Sometimes we share a bed with someone and that feels intimate, and yet we get distracted with texts, emails, social media, and books during bedtime, and a simple goodnight kiss or hand squeeze is not intimacy-building. Take time during your nighttime routines to hold one another, caress, kiss, and whisper sweet nothings. It goes an extremely long way, and breeds desire.

Touch

While this may seem similar to cuddling, it’s its own category. This doesn’t need to be done laying down together, or on the sofa. Touch their arm when you pass your partner in the hall. Give them a quick shoulder rub behind them when they are seated. Tousle their hair, touch their neck, collarbone, massage their hands, look at their fingers. Understand their bodies on a close, personal level and see them in a new light. They’re their own person, and they’re deeply human, but the connection is yours to share. Show them that you don’t take an inch of them for granted in small ways, as often as possible.

Look them in the eyes

Do this anyway. Do this every time you talk to them, as often as possible. Don’t talk to them while looking at your phone, don’t look elsewhere when eating a meal together. To expedite attunement, try a practice together. Lock eyes for 3-5 minutes. Yes, you may blink. Yes, you might laugh. Don’t break eye contact. Try not to talk, just hold the gaze. In the bustle of daily life, this practice allows you both to slow down and give each other uninterrupted attention. Try it a few times a week if you’re particularly busy.

Listen without interrupting

Listening intently without interrupting is one of the most selfless and loving gestures, and harder than it sounds for most people. Listen intently, keeping eye contact and engagement, even if the person is upset with you. It will show that you aren’t more concerned with your next point, and are actually hearing them, wanting to know their thoughts and feelings.

Try these practices several times a week, and incorporate them into your relationship practices. When you both feel respected and loved by one another in these small ways that cost no money, it has a huge impact on intimacy and passion, breeding more love and relaxation in the bedroom.