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6 Red Flags IN A New Relationship
@iconicpairings
Everybody knows that feeling: the first blush of a crush, the start of a relationship with someone new. There’s tension, excitement, anticipation. You’re running the gauntlet of emotions as you navigate the butterflies and dodge your friends and family with their prying questions. You’re in a love bubble — and you’re happy in there, with all your fuzzy feelings.
Bubbles are fun and all (who doesn’t love running around in the sunshine chasing these little glistening air jewels), but it’s important to have a balance with boundaries and understanding when to just say “NO!” Sometimes, a red flag flutters in front of our hearts for a while, and it takes us a moment to understand why it caught our attention. But after all, a flag is a method of communication. If it’s waving, it’s worth a second look!
Discerning our needs and desires — in relationships, but also in life — is all a part of self love and growth. And so is knowing the warning signs of when those needs and desires are not being met. So get your positive energy box out, clear the air, and settle in to do some learning — because knowledge is power, and power is everything! Here are some red flags to take seriously in a new relationship.
You’re an option, not a priority
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re waiting by the phone to find out if you’re maybe hanging out tonight? Or maybe you cancelled plans with your friends on the off chance that your new flame might be free after whatever it is they’re doing? Have you cleared your schedule, but then been left at home alone when your new amour “forgot” or “got busy”?
I’m so sorry to be the one to break it to you, boo, but …. If this sounds relatable, then it sounds like you’re an option and not a priority. This is a red flag for a number of reasons — the main one being that relationships are about give and take, and when one person takes and takes and takes in the beginning, it can get harder and harder to give and not grow to resent your new relationship. You may find your needs constantly unmet, and a total lack of balance in other areas too. And you deserve to be a priority, not just an option!
This red flag can definitely be addressed early in the relationship and may be a miscommunication — but if it keeps happening time and time again, it’s time to take it seriously! After all, your time and energy are important and valuable too — so don’t let this behavior fester.
They’re moving too fast
Wow. You just met, and they want to meet all your friends? It’s only been 24 hours, and they’ve started talking about what your kids will look like one day? It’s been two days and they drop that you just have to meet their mom. Now it’s been a week, and they’re convincing you to book a three-week vacation to Laos. You know this feels rushed, but you’re feeling all the feelings, and not sure why something doesn’t seem to add up. Honey, it’s a red flag.
It’s totally normal to get excited when it comes to new relationships, but if you find yourself asking, “Isn’t this moving a little, um, fast?” then yeah, it just might be. And it could be a warning sign.
Moving too fast can be a red flag for a number of reasons. You may find yourself asking if the person is really into you, or just the idea of being in a relationship. Lasting relationships and true connections take time to grow and develop. If your new partner truly wants to build something with you, they will respect your boundaries. (And if they don’t,you might find yourself facing another red flag…)
They’re overly secretive and uncommunicative
As mentioned above, sometimes we live in a little bubble in our new relationships — one that we just want to enjoy with only our new significant other. And we want to give them the benefit of the doubt at all times. But we all know that those bubbles pop eventually — and sometimes it’s due to secrecy and lack of communication.
If they’re unreliable with texting back, making — and initiating — plans, or keep going out with friends without trying to introduce you, it’s going to raise some questions — especially if it feels deliberate and manipulative. Relationships are built on trust — and if they’re undermining that with noncommittal behavior, sporadic communication, and a lot of secrets or bewildering omissions, that’s a red flag.
This is a red flag that can be easily addressed in a calm manner, and if it’s simply an oversight, it may be an opportunity to open up communication and grow together. But if it continues after bringing it up time and time again, you may start to ask yourself why. You’re a fabulous, honest, committed partner, and you deserve a real foundation in your new relationship.
They have no work ethic
Look, we get it. Stuff happens and people travel their journeys in unique ways. Ever heard the term “The road less traveled”? Well, some people take risks and adventurous pathways as they make their way towards their goals. Unless they simply don’t have any goals, which might be (and you can probably guess where this is going) a red flag.
Understanding why someone is where they are in life is definitely a part of getting to know them. Did something happen that set them back? Did a change of life circumstances throw them off course? If the answer is yes, then cool. It’s super healthy to have conversations that center around what your goals and aspirations are to get on the same page with your new partner. But if they’re unmotivated or seem to lack drive, you’re in for a bumpy ride.
To put it bluntly, having no work ethic is a problem because low effort in life can easily translate to low effort in the relationship. And that is not good. Relationships take effort from both partners to succeed. You definitely want to keep your eye on this red flag!
Your gut tells you something is off
You’ve heard the expression, “I have a gut feeling ” — it’s a term that’s thrown around often, and refers to the natural intuition we all have. There’s been a lot of discussion around brain and gut connection, but the basic premise is that our gut produces microbes which produce neurotransmitters. We’re not technically “thinking” with our gut, but that all-knowing sensation you get that tells you “this isn’t going to work out” can feel like it’s coming from your core because, in a sense, it is.
Spiritually, our gut instinct is linked to our third eye chakra and ability to read energy fields to foresee something. Even if they are everything you ever wanted on paper, if your gut is telling you something is off with someone new, it’s a red flag. And it’s one you can’t ignore, as it’s your neurons firing to warn you! Pay attention, and trust your body’s instincts.
They seem unstable and all over the place
If your new flame seems to run really hot and then really cold, or is in the midst of a lot of major life changes that are rapidly overhauling their daily routine, they might not be in the right place for a real relationship. This instability and imbalance can lead to resentment and tricky communication patterns.
Maybe they’re just going through something challenging, but fitting you into their already-overflowing schedule can leave you feeling unseen. Maybe one day they’re telling you that they’re in love, but the next day they’re hard to reach, leaving you to wonder how honest they’re being about their feelings. Maybe their life just changed in a major way, and they are having difficulty making long-term decisions. No matter what the cause is, this is a red flag because it can damage the foundation and make it harder for you to develop a trusting bond.
They’re overly critical of their previous partners
We’ve all had relationships that went sideways — that’s why we continue to date! If you’ve met someone new and great, the topic of previous relationships will likely come up. It’s a big red flag when your new boo is using harsh or critical language around all of their exes. Dating is kind of like a job interview — you never want to trash talk everyone you’ve ever worked for, because in the end, iit doesn’t look good on you. And while being open and honest is great, be wary of anyone who uses negative words when talking about their past loves. Being objective and able to part ways with integrity and kindness — or even with calm neutrality — is a big important step towards being a healthy, happy, loving adult. So be aware!
Remember!
Self love is the most important kind of love, and a big part of that is being honest with yourself. People come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. You should never feel pressured to “make it work” with someone if you feel like there are red flags or misalignments in your wants and needs.
If you‘re looking for a healthy connection, communication is key here. So if you feel like you’re noticing red flags, you should talk about it. If these behaviors still persist and you keep feeling uncomfortable, you know what to do. Fold ‘em. You deserve all the green flags!
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